"Princess Anne's" Speech

for the opening of
The Hemp Olympix 2000
Nimbin, Australia

Saturday, 6th May.


Loyal subjects,

Once again it is with great pleasure one find one-self back here in Orstralia at one's favourite town, Nimbin.

One is honoured to be in the company of such gracious Bundjalung Elders. [indigenous custodians of the land]

As many of you may remember, One's connection with Nimbin has been growing over the past 15 years. During this time, ones loyal subjects have invited one to open many of your seemingly important events, the people's opening of Nightcap National Park , the Aquarius 10 year later Celebration, where, one was declared "Queen of the Rainbow Region" .  Which, knowing what a twit my brother Charles is, I thought only right and proper that I should finally have such power.
Sadly, this did not seem to be enough to bring about the changes one envisioned.

More recently when one was here to open the Visions of Nimbin Expo in 1998, one felt one had no choice but to declare oneself "Hempress of Gaia", in the hope that with all this extra power one could bring about the necessary changes for a better world.

Which brings me to the reason I've been asked here today.

Ones family, the House of Windsor, has had a lo-o-o-ng history and involvement with mull, er, I mean 'the herb', er...er.... I mean herbs .  After all, over 200 years ago one of my ancestors passed laws to legalise the practices of herbalism. Many of you may recall that in fact my own great- great- grandmother, Queen Victoria, used the herb to relieve herself of menstrual cramps, (although considering her love for Albert and the number of babies she carried, one does wonder when she had time to have menstrual cramps). Could it be that like others gathered here today she found it a perfect way to relax and let go of all the pressures of being a Queen.

I know it has been of considerable help to my brother Charles which explains his bewildered bandicoot look, whilst opening.....things.

But One has digressed.

Therefore, encouraged by all the works done by my loyal subjects in this rainbow region [ name given to Far North,NSW region ] I think it is time for one to come out of the closet (so to speak) and, as the all powerful Empress of Gaia, One encourages you all to do all you can to green our poor struggling planet.

I mean........
The stupidity of the silly men who think they have the power can be abided no longer.
I exort you to help in this worthy campaign to help bring some sanity back into Orstralia's drug laws.

Too many beautiful, fit, young, men are trapped in jails because of the outdated drug laws (when they could be mucking out my stables).
Too many AIDS, cancer and MS patients suffer undue pain because of inhumane drug laws.
Too many trees are being chopped down to make paper because of unnecessary Drug laws.
And what is so difficult about saying sorry.to the.........[she turns and nods to the Bundjalung Elders sitting behind her]

Oh Oh dear..... one has forgotten one's self and become over-excited.   
It is one of ones little problems. One hopes you understand.

Oh yes where was I, the fit young men, No ... no

The silly men. Those silly small-penised prime ministers, in Canberra, declined my mothers offer to open the silly Olympic Games planned for Sydney later this year, but in this region ones loyal subjects thought it important to maintain our special links; and so........
It doesn't give me great pleasure
to not be the queen of England,
to not be opening the Olympics,
being ignored yet again simply because these sexist attitudes persist......
After all; in a perfect matriarchal world, I........would be heir to the throne of England.

However, as undisputed Hempress of Gaia; it does give me immense pleasure,

to now,

             officially declare

                             The Nimbin Hemp Olympix, 2000......... OPEN!

Let the games, commence!!!