A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS BY TONY KNEIPP

WARNING: SOME WORDS MAY OFFEND SOME READERS

Scene: Inside Sgt Kelly's house.

A man dressed in a suit, hat and dark glasses is lurking in the lounge room, half hidden by the lengthening shadows of late afternoon, as he leans back in a well-worn armchair. Kelly enters the room, then, startled to discover this unexpected and alarming intrusion, he jumps back and gasps with shock.)

Kelly: God! What the hell are you doing here?!

God: Shut your mouth and shut the door and sit down. (Kelly does as he is told.)

I want you to remember that I'm not here and I haven't been here. We've got a bit of a problem.

Kelly: It's that little shit Hall, isn't it?

God: You're not wrong. Have a look at this.

(God picks up a remote control and switches on a video which he has cued and ready to roll.)

Kelly: Amber's office. A bug in Amber's office! Bloody hell! Who the fuck did this?

(God uses the remote to switch the video off.)

God: The Anti-Corruption Commission, worse luck. If it was just us I could do something about it.

Kelly: But you got this tape.

God: I have my sources. But we have no influence over the commission as a whole. We can't just pull the plug on an investigation like this, that's for sure.

Kelly: Bloody hell! Am I in the shit already?

God: Only up to your ankles. But it'll be over your head, and mine pretty soon if we don't do something about it!

Kelly: What the hell can we do?

God: Someone knows too much.

Kelly: Hall?

God: Hall doesn't know his arse from a hole in the ground. He doesn't know who I am. We've got to keep it that way!

Kelly: Are you sure he doesn't know?

God: As sure as I can be. As you can see, I have my sources.

Kelly: Amber?

God: Who else?

Kelly: I'm amazed you let them start up in the first place. Things were going like clockwork here before that. You could have shown a bit more loyalty.

God: Mate, she put the hard word on me. She started talking about the good old days. She was threatening to reminisce in a wider arena; the happy hooker, and all that - your basic blackmail, nothing fancy. It was the lesser of two evils at the time. I didn't know it would lead to this unholy mess.

Kelly: So what now?

God: Here's what I want you to do.

Kelly: Me? Hang on mate, I've done some mongrel acts in my time, but I hope you're not asking me to do what I think you're asking me to do.

God: We can't afford to let anyone else in on this. Too many people know too much already. We've got to keep this tight. Besides, we haven't got much time. It's got to be now!

Kelly: (at first a sullen silence) I don't like it. Couldn't we just call it quits and head for Rio ? We've both got plenty stashed away.

God: Mate, act your age. We wouldn't get past the airport. And surely you want to spend your retirement with your family and friends, not in some third world armpit. (Kelly remains sullenly silent.) Of course, if you don't want to be part of the solution, we'll just have to go to plan B. They tell me ex-cops do it pretty hard inside.

Kelly: Yeah, yeah, I get the point. What do you want?

(God reaches into a pocket, then extends his arm with his fist clenched. He opens his hand to reveal a bottle of pills. Kelly grabs them.)

Kelly: They're barbs!

(God reaches into another pocket and produces a small brown bottle filled with a liquid.)

God: This is the same barbiturate in a concentrated liquid form. You're her old mate. Go and have a drink with her. Use ouzo or something with a strong taste. Get some of this liquid solution into her, (He holds up the bottle containing the liquid.) and then shove as many of the pills down her throat as you can. Don't forget to leave a few of them lying around as well, plus the bottle. And make sure the bottle's got some of her prints. We don't want any obvious slip-ups like a totally clean bottle she's supposed to have handled repeatedly.

Kelly: I get the picture.

God: And fill a syringe with this (He holds up the bottle of liquid again.) before you go, but only use it as a last resort - we don't want to be obvious.

Kelly: But what about the bug?

God: There's only one, in the main office. You'll just have to get her into one of the other rooms. I'll leave you to work that out.

Kelly: I've just had an idea!

(Kelly jumps up from his chair and grabs the tape from the VCR.)

Kelly: Just leave this with me.

God: What?!

Kelly: I go to her and I make sure I get her outside, and I say, look, the shit's hit the fan, your office is bugged, here's the undeniable evidence, we can't go in there. I'll tell her, look, I'm heading for the hills, I just came by to tip you off, and have a last drink for old time's sake. And of course, the rooms all have TV's and videos, and there's none in the office, and besides we can't go in there because it's bugged, so naturally, we'd have to go into one of the rooms to check out the tape.

God: Not bad! You won't get sloppy on me, will you? Just make sure that tape self-destructs.

Kelly: Don't worry, I know how to be tidy. But what about Hall?

God: I've got a special job just for him. He's going to be our sacrificial goat - a public example of what happens to corrupt police officers, and of our tireless efforts to rid the force of all of its bad apples before the rot spreads any further.

Kelly: So we don't really need to do anything there?

God: (sarcastically) Just assist the commission fully in their investigations. You're bound to come in for a bit of stick, but I don't expect any charges.

Kelly: What about the disciplinary tribunal?

God: You'll have to front for sure. But surely you're not quaking in your boots about that? The worst that's likely to happen is you're asked to resign before they give you the heave-ho. They won't even touch your super.

Kelly: Good one! (They both laugh.)

As Amber and Sean sit around the office desk, Sean is perusing a red ledger book.)

Sean: You know Johnno's got a $500 warrant as well as an unpaid fine? God said we'd go halves in paying his fine.

Amber: He's gonna be very upset when he finds out his next paycheque is cut to pay half this fine and other bills. He was in a relatively good mood last time I spoke to him. But with God, money means all things.

Sean: As long as it's monitored and God gets his money. (He hands the ledger back to Amber.) So much for bloody setting $500 limits! We've just been through the two quietest bloody months in Endeavour Beach's history, a heap of people haven't paid me, do you know what we're carrying at the moment?

Amber: Heaps! At the moment we're turning over so much but we're not making enough money and it's just fucked. There's some problem with Mick.

Sean: He shot it all up his arm, that's the problem. That's why we're going to abandon him, whether Johnno likes it or not.

Amber: He smokes humungous amounts too. There go the profits. I said to him, why are you jerking us around, you know you have to put the money up front. This after I've already lined it all up.

Sean: He's a piece of shit. It's a fucking cunt of a thing to do! That scumbag still doesn't realise that he needs us.

Amber: See, what happens is, he's got this feeling that, shit, I've been doing this and I haven't been caught. I said you don't know how lucky you are. I have to support my lifestyle. I said, Mick, I'd like to up my lifestyle. I sort of semi-inferred that a person's life support could be snapped off.

Sean: That's right, and then, Mick, you won't have a lifestyle.

Amber: I don't trust him anymore now, so now I just play things a lot closer. Mick's upset some people in this town.

Sean: That's what happens when you get greedy. Other people get upset.

Amber: I told you God says there's going to be a crackdown.

Sean: No one knows that. No-one except us. You know it and I know it. That's a good thing. If him and anyone else won't come through, then occasionally there's going to have to be raids, go through the place like a fucken dose of salts, take out one or two.

Amber: What about his mate Brad? There's a real sus looking dude.

Sean: He's a dog, we shouldn't have anything to do with him.

Amber: He pissed Kelly off. Kelly thinks he's a dog, too.

Sean: That makes him a free range target, then, doesn't it? I'm going to charge him. I'll load him up too if I have to! When you're dealing with turds sometimes shit just has go down.

Amber: Who'll be left at the end of the day? There won't be any competition.

Sean: As long as we get our chop I don't give a rat's arse. I'm trying to cut out the competition. I'm getting information against Kelly the whole time. Plus I found out a lot of things they don't know about. I was throwing them information, and feeding them. I've got something on just about everyone at the station. I give them all the info, everything they need. I've got both sides of the fence covered. Did that other cunt come through with the money for doing the check for him on the computer?

Amber: Not yet, no. I told him we needed it by now, but he kept saying he'd pay us next week.

Sean: I'll just go and remove that now from the computer, he can get fucked! I'm not going to protect other people. I've put my arse on the line for this. I work my arse off on that computer. Find everything, everywhere. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. What's this about Kelly being here?

Amber: Don't worry about it, Sean. He just dropped by to borrow some videos. He's got this thing about X-rated videos, he's been borrowing them off me for yonks.

Sean: I know. I just don't like the idea of him being here, that's all. It's too close for comfort. The less he knows, the better.

Amber: We can't destroy Kelly. He's too entrenched. You've got to learn to live with these things.

Sean: Bullshit!! We've got to get rid of him. Transferred, sacked, who cares , he's gone.

Amber: You worry too much, Sean. Do you still want to get that grog?

Sean: What grog?

Amber: You know, the stuff I told you about a month ago. You said you wanted to get some for the social club, for the Christmas party.

Sean: How much?

Amber: Ten bucks a bottle. If you get in quick, there's still some black label left, but it's all good stuff. The thing is, I need firm orders by Wednesday. Otherwise we'll just have to pass on the deal.

Sean: That sounds beautiful! Count me in for a couple of dozen.

Amber: Do the rest of the police station know about it?

Sean: It's just between you, me and the gatepost.

Amber: Did you see that last lot of stuff we got? Compressed blocks of hydroponic. It looks like shit, but it was just about the best we've had so far.

Sean: That's a pleasant change. The quality's been all over the place. That last lot we had from Spider looked great, but it was a pretty ordinary smoke.

Amber: Very ordinary. I had a few people complain about that. That's just one more reason why I've been thinking about trying something different. Why don't we grow a crop of our own, cut out the middlemen?

Sean: What do you know about growing pot?

Amber: From what I can gather, it's not that hard. The main thing is to have the right seeds. I've already got plenty of those. I've been talking to Judy's young mate, Allan. He's keen to do something, and he knows a bit about it. I've already been sussing out places where we could do it. I've found one spot I reckon is just about perfect. There's this abandoned area in the national park. There's an old derelict office there, it was going to be a picnic spot or something, and the water's still connected to it.

Sean: So we're looking at branching out?

Amber: I don't see why not.

Sean: The fact is, if he gets pinched, we can't protect him much at all. We can maybe give him two or three days notice of any raid on the crop, but that's about all. The other thing is how much money have we got to pay God if we go through with it?

Amber: This is the big problem. We've still gotta sort out that other stuff with him yet, too. How much do you think he'll expect?

Sean: We could dump the bulk of it wholesale down south. That way they'll probably never know it's us.

Amber: I just don't want to rip God off, that's all. I'm the one who has to answer to him. I really don't want to be one of God's problems. It's better not to burn our bridges, and to be straight up with him and come to some arrangement.

Sean: The problem with that is that it puts the onus on us to deliver. It's not like he needs the money, but once he thinks it's there, he'll expect it.

Amber: But, you know, like I said, with God, money means all things.

Sean: Money is just a spin-off. It gets you power. That's what he's really into.

Amber: You know, you remind me of him sometimes. You both think the same way. Who knows, maybe you'll be God one day.

Scene: Outside the Tropicana Motel.

(Constable Hall has called in at the Tropicana shortly before nine in the morning, as he has done so often over the past year. But this is not just another day. On his arrival he discovers to his dismay an omen of evil portent. A police tape is cordoning off the entrance of the motel. Constable Hall doesn't know it yet, but his world is about to come crashing down.)

Sean: (to a plainclothes constable standing behind the police tape) What the hell is going on here?

(He goes to duck under the tape.)

Constable: I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in there.

Sean: It's all right, I'm a police officer - Constable Sean Hall. (He flashes his badge to the constable, who is suitably unimpressed.)

Constable: All the same, constable, my orders are very clear. I'm not to let anyone in, and that specifically includes any police from any other unit.

Sean: So who's in charge? Perhaps I can have a word with them.

Constable: Inspector Leslie. He'll be out in due course. I'm sure he'll want to have a word with you then.

Sean: So what's going on?

Constable: You'll have to speak to the Inspector. I'll let him know you're here. Can you please make sure that no one else crosses the line while I have a quick word with him?

Sean: Sure.

(A moment after the constable exits stage left to confer with his superior, Kelly appears on the scene stage right. He is outside the tape with Sean.)

Sean: You!

Kelly: What the fuck's going on here?

Sean: I don't know, I just got here. They won't let us in.

(Suddenly two ambulance officers emerge from the back of the stage, wheeling a stretcher with a body on it, covered over with a sheet. They move the stretcher to the outside of the tape.)

Sean: (to one of the ambulance officers) Who is it, Billy?

Billy: Amber Morgan.

Sean: What, you're kidding?

Kelly: Bloody hell!

(They both look shocked.)

Kelly: How did it happen?

Billy: Looks like she topped herself.

Sean: How?

Billy: Too many sleeping pills, mate. She's never going to wake up now.

Sean: But I saw her yesterday arvo. There was nothing wrong with her.

Billy: You can never tell with these things, can you. What about the guy from INXS? Who'da thought it, eh? There was some grog there, too, mate. She probably got so pissed she didn't really know what she was doing. People don't realise just how dangerous it is to mix booze with other drugs. You work in this job and you soon find out how many overdoses happen that way. (He sees Sean isn't taking it too well, and places a hand on Sean's shoulder.) I'm sorry, mate, but we've all got to go some time. We'd better get on with it.

Sean: Yeah, thanks Billy. At least we know now. Poor bastard!

(Billy and his colleague exit stage right with the stretcher.)

Sean: I don't suppose you know anything about this?

Kelly: What's that supposed to mean?

Sean: You know exactly what I mean!

Kelly: No, I haven't got a clue what you mean.

Sean: You've done her in, haven't you?

Kelly: There you go, going straight off the deep end again! Look, it's pretty obvious the shit has hit the fan here, and either or both of us could be up to our necks in it. The silly bitch has landed us both right in it. The last thing we need is you running around making wild accusations. It's only going to make things a lot worse for both of us. If you've got any brains left at all after all that shit you've been taking, you'll keep your big mouth shut, and leave it to the experts to clean up the mess.

Sean: And let you get away with this? Not bloody likely!

Kelly: You know you're probably going to jail? How long for is really up to you. Scream your head off, roll over like a dog, and you'll be my age before you get out. Keep your mouth shut, you'll get five, and do two, tops.

Sean: You're so fucking sure of yourself, aren't you?

Kelly: Just a word to the wise. Where you're going, you're going to need all the friends you can get. I'd tread very carefully if I were you.

Sean: They're bound to dig up a bit of dirt, but no real proof. They'll have got the ledgers, but Amber was too smart to use real names, so where's the proof? Unless you've been feeding them little bits of information?

Kelly: Mate, one thing I'll never be is some lowlife mongrel dog of an informer. It's against my religion. But these guys are no fools. It's not like we're running the investigation here. They'll be asking real questions and looking for real answers. You know this Leslie's from the Anti-Corruption Commission. I heard a whisper that they were taking a bit of an interest in us up here. Maybe Amber found out they already knew more than enough, and thought she'd take the easy way out. You're not going to do yourself in, are you, mate?

Sean: You're just trying to put the wind up me. They don't know shit! Nothing's going to happen.

Kelly: You're wrong, Sean, the game's over. You just don't know it yet. Just remember to keep your mouth shut, starting now. Here they come.

(Inspector Leslie emerges with the constable in tow.)

Leslie: Good morning, gentlemen.

Kelly: I don't know if I'd go that far.

Sean: I've certainly seen better.

Leslie: (produces his badge and ID card) I'm Inspector Colin Leslie, Special Investigation Unit attached to the Anti-Corruption Commission.

Kelly: I'm Sergeant Brian Kelly, and this is Constable Sean Hall.

Leslie: I know who you are. (to Kelly) I want to interview you later. There's a number of questions I have to ask you. You may want to have a legal representative present.

Kelly: Why? What's this all about?

Leslie: I'm the one asking the questions here. I trust that you're going to co-operate with my investigations.

Kelly: Of course, Inspector. I'm not trying to be difficult. It's just that I don't know what this is all about.

Leslie: Yes, of course, you wouldn't, would you? And now, Constable Hall.

Sean: You want me to make myself available for an interview too?

Leslie: You'll be available, all right. Sean Hall, I'm placing you under arrest.

Sean: What? What for?

Leslie: We'll go through the full list of charges later, back at the station. For now, all you need to know is that those charges will include official corruption and trafficking in prohibited drugs.

Kelly: Bloody hell!

Sean: This is bullshit, you've got the wrong man!

Leslie: I think not. There'll be plenty of time for a bit of show and tell later. We've got you cold. You're a disgrace to the force, Sean. But first, I must warn you, you have the right to remain silent and to legal representation, but anything you do say can and will be used later in evidence against you.

Sean: Cut the crap, will you?

Kelly: You'd better listen to him, Sean. Don't say anything without your solicitor present. I'll get someone down there, straight away.

Leslie: You'd better worry about what you're going to say yourself, Kelly. I'll be seeing you later. Let's go. (They lead Sean out.)

Act Four Scene Four

(The lights come up to reveal Sgt Kelly alone, spotlit on a bare stage. He looks somewhat dishevelled, and acts as though he is half drunk. Kelly knows what is required of him, and is man enough not to whinge about getting a raw deal. But even he has memories and regrets.)

Kelly: It's a bad business, and no mistake. I'm not happy about it - she was an old friend, after all. But there was too much at stake, it was all getting too much out of hand. It's a dog eat dog world. I guess it all came down to the golden rule - do unto others before they do it unto you. Well, if her and Hall didn't, God would have. Better them than me.

As far as I'm concerned, it's all Hall's fault. The way he was carrying on he was bound to upset the apple cart. No sense of decorum and definitely not a team player. He's certainly going to get what's coming to him - a cop in jail's bound to do his time hard. Not too popular with the other inmates, for some reason. Well, he asked for it. It was bad enough he had to step on my toes every chance he got. But doing over the lockup at Bowman's Crossing - that was just moronic. Shit fer brains! In the old days we would have got away with that type of caper, but times change. You've got to stay ahead of the game. That was what brought the Anti-Corruption Commission down like a pack of hungry hyenas. So much for our quiet little scene!

That God's a hard man. He gives me the heebie jeebies, and I don't scare easily. But you need a hard bastard like him to run a show like this and make the tough decisions. Otherwise there'd be gung-ho little cretins like Hall getting out of hand from one end of the state to the other. I guess that's why he's got the job - it's natural selection at work. Amber and Hall were weak and stupid, they overreached themselves and got selected out, that's all.

At least God can't get too mad at me about this - it was his fault more than mine that it got this out of hand. What'd he say about it - just laying a ghost from the past to rest. And who gives a rat's arse about ghosts? Tales to terrify ankle biters and silly old biddies with.

(He pulls out a half bottle of whisky, and has a good gulp on it, shudders, then clutches his left shoulder in pain.)

Ouch. The old shoulder's playing up again. Damn it! You know how I got this? I was coming through the door at this callout to a domestic, trying to calm down Mr Dickhead, who was waving a kitchen knife around and talking big, next thing you know his old lady grabs an axe from behind the door and tries to knock my block off. There's gratitude for you. If I hadn't ducked, I'd have been a goner for sure. Made a real mess of the shoulder - still gives me hell sometimes.

I had plenty of time to think in hospital afterwards. I guess I was about Hall's age then, and wet behind the ears - full of high ideals about serving the public. That whack with the axe sobered me up, brought me back to earth with a thud, made me realise what I was. A hero? Yeah, well of course they gave me the obligatory gong. I'll tell you what I was - expendable! Expendable at $200 a week - that's how much I was getting in those days. Just another piece of meat to throw into the grinder. A hero? I didn't feel like a hero, I felt like a sucker.

That's when I decided to start up my own retirement fund. Then I met Amber and God, down the Valley. Jeez, I tell you we had some good times in those days. Who'd have thought it would have ended up in a bloody mess like this? I could tell you a few stories about those days that would make your hair curl. (He has another slug from the bottle.) I certainly got to see the other side of some of our leading citizens. Of course, it was all right to pay Amber and her mates for their fancy tricks, or get me and Gibbo and the boys to sort out someone who was bothering them, or do their little deals, or be their messenger boys with their manila envelopes, but they wouldn't be seen dead with us in public. Never did get invited to their flash parties.

Fancy Dans like that sure know how to make a bloke feel used. But of course if you get to be too useful, soon you're indispensable, and then who's using who. Don't worry, I got my pound of flesh. You've got to look after yourself - those guys wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

Well, I've had a gutful. It's time to cash in on the old pension plan and move on. I reckon I'll buy myself a pub in some nice quiet spot - 'course it'd have to have a TAB. A spot of fishing, a few gee-gees, a few quiet ales out the back with me mates, and none of this bullshit. Sounds all right to me. As soon as all of this blows over, that's what I'm going to do.

As long as none of this shit sticks! I'll have to front their inquiry for sure. Some little shit of a lawyer making his bid for silk at my expense. Bloody lawyers think they should get all the money. I suppose they think I'll roll over. (He laughs.) Dream on! No doubt I'll be well represented myself, at union expense. And if I know God, he's working out what I'm going to say already. All I'll have to do is stick to the script. (mockingly)And then it's goodbye from me, and it's goodbye from me. (He turns and exits stage left as the final curtain falls.)

THE END- of the Play.......?

Tony Kneipp can be contacted at tkneipp@internode.on.net

or PO Box 138 Goodwood 5034